Milk
Sugar
Honey
Aisle 4
Veggies
Aisle 9 and 10
Just glancing at my list, and making a mental reinforcement of my resolution once more, I entered Carrefour purposefully.
Done, Done, one by one, all done . I reached the billing with an overflowing trolley, and an even more overflowing proud feeling of I-have-done-it. Not even once had I glanced to the dreaded aisles 4 and 5. As I reached for my wallet, something snapped in me. Uttering a sign of wait to the cashier, ignoring her perplexed look, and also ignoring the irritated look of the two gentlemen behind me, I rushed back towards the chocolate section. Yes, this is what I had been trying to avoid so hard and yes, I had failed yet again.
Ever since I could remember, I had always found solace in the rich, velvety taste of cocoa, and as I grew older, my love for chocolates only intensified, to the point of it becoming an obsession now.I cannot survive a day without chocolate, was my constant mantra.
Happy.Unhappy.Joyful.Miserable.Thrilled.Depressed.Exhausted.Relaxed.Overworked.Delighted.Overwhelmed.Alone.Triumphant.Miserable.Excited.Bored.
To cut it short, a good day or a bad day; with family or at work; and each and every emotion and mood guaranteed a chocolate treat for myself. I could replace any meal with a chocolate dessert. I could polish off an entire Toblerone bar at one go. I could just have scoops of cocoa powder to satisfy that craving. I had for sure tried every café in town and every chocolate treat on their menu. In this world of chaos, I had put chocolate on the pedestal of my savior. My husband often referred to my chocolate indulgence as the fifth family member.
Right now, as I looked longingly at the shelves lined with Cadburys and Galaxys and Hersheys and Godivas, I remembered the horrifying looks of my GP with the reports in her hand and that accusing look “why is your blood sugar level not normal yet”?
Well, I’ll be good today. I thought to myself. What can a tiny bite do….This is the best and I grabbed a pack of Kisses chocolates and hurried over.
Back home, the guilt returned.as I unpacked the brown bags, I left the pack of Kisses on the counter, promising myself to give it to my daughter to distribute in her class the next day. Continuing with the day’s chores, as I kept the laundry, the jeans…..the favorite blue jeans seemed to be looking at me and praising me for how good I had been for the last three days and specially today by not having any chocolate. My resolve strengthened further.
The family came back and I got busy further. The day ended with a cup of green tea in our hands as the family sat together for the day’ talk.I finished the dishwashing and the next day’s lunch boxes prep, while my eyes kept on wandering to the Kisses’ pack. I purposefully looked away, went off to the study to check on my lesson plans, but couldn’t concentrate at all, so came back hurriedly and hid the pack away in the drawer away from my range of vision.
By midnight, I was ready to go to bed, and as everyone was already asleep, started switching off all the lights. A final check in the kitchen would be good, told an inside voice ;answered by another voice that you had already completed all the chores, but the other voice ruled over “You had a really hard and long day, you really do deserve to chill now”, Oh, Of course…I opened the drawer, took out the beautiful, shining pack and as I snapped it open, the little bites of delight spilled over on the counter.. their silver foil even more shining and tempting in the dim light. As I picked up one,I promised myself that it would be my last indulgence.
No sorry, said that sensible voice again. You very well know that it won’t be so. Just put your feet up, and enjoy as it is…Chocolate has been ,and will continue to be the most important ingredient in the recipe of your life. And ,yes, I am in consent again, My life is what it is because its covered with all the flavors of chocolate.
🩷🩷🩷
lovely!